Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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