i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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