apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
