my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
