He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
