I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
