Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
