I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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