If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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