shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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