i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
