In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
