i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
