dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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