I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
