dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
