just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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