a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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