obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
