I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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