My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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