he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
