just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
