we have pet lesbian snakes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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