i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
