Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
