Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
