Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
