were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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