I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
