No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
