i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
