gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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