If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize