I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
