Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
