i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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