i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
