So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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