i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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