You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
