Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
