I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
