OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
