her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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