need another drink. this is the easiest way
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
