My hand turned me down
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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