Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
