I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
