I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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