I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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