You can't motorboat a personality
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
