It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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