Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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