my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
