Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
