i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
