shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
