It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize