you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
