I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize