Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
