Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
