What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
