SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
