My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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