Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
