i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
