yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
