He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
