Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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