Small penises have feelings too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
