I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
