There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize