there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
