I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
