maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
