There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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