his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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