I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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